Midwife Lonneke talks
Let me introduce myself.
Hi! I am Lonneke, a 32 year old from Brabant who lives in Amsterdam. I knew from a young age that I wanted to be a midwife. Just like I knew from a young age that I am very clumsy and extremely sensitive. These last 2 qualities ensure that I often experience special and funny moments in my life as a midwife. Moments where the tears come to my eyes, but with some regularity I also end up in situations where I prefer to saw the ground under my feet and then sink through it.
Pink Underpants.
Let me start with the shift where I tore my pants as a recently graduated midwife. Now you might be thinking ‘OH MY GOD THAT’S REALLY embarrassing’. True, but this is not too bad with the rest of what would happen in my career, but I didn’t know all that at the moment.
I was 23 years old, just graduated and was at a stage of life where I thought it was a smart idea to put on neon pink knickers under my trendy white jeans. Let’s start with the fact that as a midwife you only make the mistake once of wearing something white during your shift. If you come home after a shift with breast milk and meconium (baby poop) on your white clothes, you will learn that quickly enough.
On a beautiful summer day I got a call from a dad-to-be saying that his girlfriend was having regular contractions, every 5 minutes. Because she gave birth smoothly the first time, I went there immediately. And it went smoothly. On arrival mom was already 5 cm dilated. The parents wanted to give birth on an outpatient basis, so we had to rush to the hospital. Dad supported mom and I walked out packed with cameras, chargers, a maxi-cosi and about 6 bags.
When you rush to load a car, you don’t necessarily do this with flattering movements. When I load a car in a hurry, it doesn’t have much to do with human movements. As I leaned forward over the backseat, I heard a ripping sound that I immediately knew was bad news. I turned around and daddy looked at me, I can’t describe it any other way, bewildered. Without exchanging a word, we decided there was no time for this now and jumped into the car where Mom was still handling her contractions like a boss.
In the time that followed; the beautiful birth that took place and the special meeting between parents and child that I witnessed, my right buttock hung half out of my pants. Much of my flashy pink knickers were visible to everyone in the room except myself.
When baby Tessa was dressed an hour later, daddy joked: ‘Lonneke is in any case completely in the style of our girl theme today’.